Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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