i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
