it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
