i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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