I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
