I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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