I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
