I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
