we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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