I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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