I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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