I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
