I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
