my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
