So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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