I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
