My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
