Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
