I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
