I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
