My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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