One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
there is glitter all over my balls
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