and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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