Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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