I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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