I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
