She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
