Cold hands, warm shart.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
