Pants 0. Shit 1.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
