There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
