Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
