My hand turned me down
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
