What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
