is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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