You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
