super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
