When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
And then he peed in my hair
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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