what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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