We're facebook friends in real life
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
