Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's never too late to be topless.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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