If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
