I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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