You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
