They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
