I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
