Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
