Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
