you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
