I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
