Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
