So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
